Kiri ☂ (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
taotrooper) wrote2009-06-20 12:10 am
taotrooper) wrote2009-06-20 12:10 am
Entry tags:
[CLAMP] Some crack-induced CLAMP drabbles
Title: Is that porn?
Series: Tsubasa RESERVoir CHRoNiCLE
Characters: Mokona, Kurogane, Fay, Sakura, Syaoran
Rating: Even with that title, it's G. I swear.
Notes: Deriving from Mokonas say the darndest things. What would've happened if Clow had taught sex ed to Mokona Modoki instead of Yuuko?
"What are you reading, Kurogane?"
"It's not of your concern, meatbun."
"That's Maganyan magazine, isn't it?"
The man didn't answer, and returned to the adventures of the lonely ninja.
"What's inside? Mokona wants to read!" Mokona climbed to his shoulders.
"No."
"Why?"
"It's mine." Kurogane took Mokona by its ears, and tossed it away. "And you wouldn't understand the story anyway."
"You're selfish!" It cried from the other side of the room. "You should share your porno!"
"...My WHAT?"
"When a man reads magazines with pretty ladies in the cover," said Mokona as it was a matter of fact, "and they don't want other ones to see it, it's because it's a dirty magazine. Clow told Mokona."
"ARE YOU INSANE? I'M NOT READING PORN!"
"Did somebody say porn?" Fay appeared on the room, interested by the warrior's yell.
"Yes, Kurogane has a dirty magazine and he doesn't want Mokona to see it!"
"Really?" The sorcerer was amused and annoyed at the same time. "I didn't know you were into that as well. That's mean, Kuro-rin. I want to see the porn, too. Let me see it!"
"It's not porn, you bastard! It's just a comic magazine, for Heaven's sake!"
"But this ninja girl over here has big boobies! And girls in porn have them as big as Yuuko's." Mokona pointed out at a random page in the magazine, taking a chance while Kurogane was not watching.
"Hyuu, Kurogane likes large breasts..."
"You're MAD! She's just a regular female character who happens to be fit! Look!" He handed the magazine to Fay.
"Sure, but... Why is she half naked, with such a nice cleavage, and the clothes are so tight?"
"Fanservice!" Mokona cried.
"It's the ninja outfit, you idiots!"
"Do female ninja dress like that in your country, Kuro-ecchi? I see why you are so keen to come back there." He winked.
Actually, the female uniform at Shirasagi castle was worst than the manga's, Kurogane thought. He suspected Amaterasu Mikado had some say on her personal army's clothes. But that was another story, and he wasn't going to give that guy and the manjuu more arguments to tease him.
"We're back."
"Welcome, Sakura, Syaoran!"
Crap. They're going to involve the children.
"How did it go?"
"Same old. Why is Kurogane-san so angry and red? Did something happen?"
"Nah, nothing special. We just found out Kuro-wan is a pervert."
"Eh?!"
"I'M NOT! STOP TELLING THEM LIES!"
"But Kurogane reads porn with big boobies!"
"...Ku.. Kurogane-san..." Syaoran looked a bit shocked.
"What a surprise, huh?"
"I DON'T! IT'S JUST A COMIC!"
"What does 'porn' mean?"
They all looked at Sakura. She seemed absolutely clueless. They started glancing at each other, too awkward to reply her.
"Porn is when you see images of pretty people naked," Mokona went on, "or when you watch or read stories about people making babies!"
"...ah. Thank you, Moko-chan."
"Er, Mokona? How do you know about, uh, that kind of thing?" Syaoran asked.
"I've seen it! You know, Clow had lots and lots of porn!"
Uncomfortable silence. Syaoran's face was white.
"My country had much porn?" Sakura widely opened her eyes. "I can't remember that."
"Then all men in your country must be perverted, Sakura-chan."
"Uh! No, we...! I mean! Fay-san!"
"I want to go with you to your country, then," said Fay.
"..."
"You didn't understand Mokona! Mokona is not talking about a country, but about a man. Tall, glasses, long black hair tied in a ponytail, smiles a lot, is smart and nice..."
"That sounds like... Otousama?"
"What? The King had porn?"
"Their country sounds like fun, Kuro-boob."
"Stop with the pervy nicknames already!"
************
Title: His noodly appendage
Series: XXXHOLiC
Characters: Yuuko, Watanuki, Maru and Moro, Doumeki
Rating: clean
Notes: Just teasing from Yuuko. Basic knowledge on Pastafarian beliefs are required to understand the fic.
"Spaghetti and meatballs! You're a sunshine, Watanuki."
"I felt like cooking pasta today." The boy stood up in a corner, holding the tray against his chest, while his boss rolled up some noodles covered with sauce into her fork. She took a bite, and made them slide inside her mouth.
"Exquisite, my dear! Now bring out the red wine to join it down."
"Drinking already!!" He rushed to the kitchen to fetch a bottle and two glasses.
"Hey, Watanuki." Yuuko talked to him while he served her wine. "Have you ever heard of the Flying Spaghetti Monster?"
"No. Why? There's one outside waiting for me?" Kimihiro was so used to weird creatures, he wouldn't be surprised something as stupid-sounding as that actually existed. And it would try to eat him because he cooked some spaghetti that afternoon.
Yuuko laughed. It was a cruel joke, but so funny.
"You know nothing, boy. The flying spaghetti monster is this universe's creator. He's a god. He weaves fate for humanity; He touches us with His noodly appendage."
"That sounds gross. And retarded."
"You dare calling Him retarded?"
"Well, he's a mass of spaghetti with almighty powers."
"Wrong. He has also two meatballs and two eyes."
"You're teasing me, right? You're just making this up!"
"Am I? Remember what I told you about Mokona?"
"Yeah, I guess. So?"
"It looks exactly like this world's creator. And yet, it's like a black manjuu with ears. Don't you think it's plausible this universe's creator could be spaghetti with eyes?"
"Oh. Then I suppose it could be..."
He's so gullible, Yuuko though while she suppressed a giggle. Then she took a solemn stance, joining her hand together.
"Perfect! Now you're a true believer, my dear boy. Now we can make a Napolitan Pasta ritual every Friday to honor His holy noodles. Ramen!"
"Ramen! Ramen!" Maru and Moro sang in the living room.
"Uh..."
"Don't forget to bring your old eyepatch this Friday. Pirates are cool for us Pastafarians."
"You REALLY are teasing me, aren't you!"
xxxxxxxxxxxx
"Hey, Doumeki."
"What?"
"Do you think there's a spaghetti monster out there?"
"I hope it's not in my bento. I told you I wanted onigiri today."
"Bah, forget it!"
Series: Tsubasa RESERVoir CHRoNiCLE
Characters: Mokona, Kurogane, Fay, Sakura, Syaoran
Rating: Even with that title, it's G. I swear.
Notes: Deriving from Mokonas say the darndest things. What would've happened if Clow had taught sex ed to Mokona Modoki instead of Yuuko?
"What are you reading, Kurogane?"
"It's not of your concern, meatbun."
"That's Maganyan magazine, isn't it?"
The man didn't answer, and returned to the adventures of the lonely ninja.
"What's inside? Mokona wants to read!" Mokona climbed to his shoulders.
"No."
"Why?"
"It's mine." Kurogane took Mokona by its ears, and tossed it away. "And you wouldn't understand the story anyway."
"You're selfish!" It cried from the other side of the room. "You should share your porno!"
"...My WHAT?"
"When a man reads magazines with pretty ladies in the cover," said Mokona as it was a matter of fact, "and they don't want other ones to see it, it's because it's a dirty magazine. Clow told Mokona."
"ARE YOU INSANE? I'M NOT READING PORN!"
"Did somebody say porn?" Fay appeared on the room, interested by the warrior's yell.
"Yes, Kurogane has a dirty magazine and he doesn't want Mokona to see it!"
"Really?" The sorcerer was amused and annoyed at the same time. "I didn't know you were into that as well. That's mean, Kuro-rin. I want to see the porn, too. Let me see it!"
"It's not porn, you bastard! It's just a comic magazine, for Heaven's sake!"
"But this ninja girl over here has big boobies! And girls in porn have them as big as Yuuko's." Mokona pointed out at a random page in the magazine, taking a chance while Kurogane was not watching.
"Hyuu, Kurogane likes large breasts..."
"You're MAD! She's just a regular female character who happens to be fit! Look!" He handed the magazine to Fay.
"Sure, but... Why is she half naked, with such a nice cleavage, and the clothes are so tight?"
"Fanservice!" Mokona cried.
"It's the ninja outfit, you idiots!"
"Do female ninja dress like that in your country, Kuro-ecchi? I see why you are so keen to come back there." He winked.
Actually, the female uniform at Shirasagi castle was worst than the manga's, Kurogane thought. He suspected Amaterasu Mikado had some say on her personal army's clothes. But that was another story, and he wasn't going to give that guy and the manjuu more arguments to tease him.
"We're back."
"Welcome, Sakura, Syaoran!"
Crap. They're going to involve the children.
"How did it go?"
"Same old. Why is Kurogane-san so angry and red? Did something happen?"
"Nah, nothing special. We just found out Kuro-wan is a pervert."
"Eh?!"
"I'M NOT! STOP TELLING THEM LIES!"
"But Kurogane reads porn with big boobies!"
"...Ku.. Kurogane-san..." Syaoran looked a bit shocked.
"What a surprise, huh?"
"I DON'T! IT'S JUST A COMIC!"
"What does 'porn' mean?"
They all looked at Sakura. She seemed absolutely clueless. They started glancing at each other, too awkward to reply her.
"Porn is when you see images of pretty people naked," Mokona went on, "or when you watch or read stories about people making babies!"
"...ah. Thank you, Moko-chan."
"Er, Mokona? How do you know about, uh, that kind of thing?" Syaoran asked.
"I've seen it! You know, Clow had lots and lots of porn!"
Uncomfortable silence. Syaoran's face was white.
"My country had much porn?" Sakura widely opened her eyes. "I can't remember that."
"Then all men in your country must be perverted, Sakura-chan."
"Uh! No, we...! I mean! Fay-san!"
"I want to go with you to your country, then," said Fay.
"..."
"You didn't understand Mokona! Mokona is not talking about a country, but about a man. Tall, glasses, long black hair tied in a ponytail, smiles a lot, is smart and nice..."
"That sounds like... Otousama?"
"What? The King had porn?"
"Their country sounds like fun, Kuro-boob."
"Stop with the pervy nicknames already!"
************
Title: His noodly appendage
Series: XXXHOLiC
Characters: Yuuko, Watanuki, Maru and Moro, Doumeki
Rating: clean
Notes: Just teasing from Yuuko. Basic knowledge on Pastafarian beliefs are required to understand the fic.
"Spaghetti and meatballs! You're a sunshine, Watanuki."
"I felt like cooking pasta today." The boy stood up in a corner, holding the tray against his chest, while his boss rolled up some noodles covered with sauce into her fork. She took a bite, and made them slide inside her mouth.
"Exquisite, my dear! Now bring out the red wine to join it down."
"Drinking already!!" He rushed to the kitchen to fetch a bottle and two glasses.
"Hey, Watanuki." Yuuko talked to him while he served her wine. "Have you ever heard of the Flying Spaghetti Monster?"
"No. Why? There's one outside waiting for me?" Kimihiro was so used to weird creatures, he wouldn't be surprised something as stupid-sounding as that actually existed. And it would try to eat him because he cooked some spaghetti that afternoon.
Yuuko laughed. It was a cruel joke, but so funny.
"You know nothing, boy. The flying spaghetti monster is this universe's creator. He's a god. He weaves fate for humanity; He touches us with His noodly appendage."
"That sounds gross. And retarded."
"You dare calling Him retarded?"
"Well, he's a mass of spaghetti with almighty powers."
"Wrong. He has also two meatballs and two eyes."
"You're teasing me, right? You're just making this up!"
"Am I? Remember what I told you about Mokona?"
"Yeah, I guess. So?"
"It looks exactly like this world's creator. And yet, it's like a black manjuu with ears. Don't you think it's plausible this universe's creator could be spaghetti with eyes?"
"Oh. Then I suppose it could be..."
He's so gullible, Yuuko though while she suppressed a giggle. Then she took a solemn stance, joining her hand together.
"Perfect! Now you're a true believer, my dear boy. Now we can make a Napolitan Pasta ritual every Friday to honor His holy noodles. Ramen!"
"Ramen! Ramen!" Maru and Moro sang in the living room.
"Uh..."
"Don't forget to bring your old eyepatch this Friday. Pirates are cool for us Pastafarians."
"You REALLY are teasing me, aren't you!"
xxxxxxxxxxxx
"Hey, Doumeki."
"What?"
"Do you think there's a spaghetti monster out there?"
"I hope it's not in my bento. I told you I wanted onigiri today."
"Bah, forget it!"