Kiri ☂ (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
taotrooper) wrote2009-06-29 11:48 pm
taotrooper) wrote2009-06-29 11:48 pm
Entry tags:
[CLAMP AU] Fandom wife
Title: Fandom wife
Series: HOLiC/CCS
Characters: Clow, Yuuko
Pairing: *points above* Oh, and mentions to some others.
Genre: AU, crack, parody
Rating: PG for sex talk
Notes: More of the Reeds saga AU. It mocks some sectors of the Harry Potter fandom.
Summary: Clow Reed checks on his fandom and he gets a surprise.
When Yuuko got home, she found her husband in the kitchen table, sipping some tea. She read the signs. It was obvious Clow wanted to talk to someone, since he only did that on those occasions. Normally he'd drink his afternoon tea in his study room, either in the armchair or near the computer desk.
"Hi."
"Hi! It took you some time to get back home. Traffic jam?"
Annoying.
"So, where's Kimihiro? Upstairs?"
"Out. Shizuka-kun had an archery match today."
"Ooh! Bullied into making him a bento again?"
"It's not bullying anymore. Tradition, I daresay."
"At this rhythm he'll become Doumeki's wife!" She laughed.
"Hey, be nice."
"Well, he's a better catch than the Himawari girl. She--"
"--creeps you out, you told me before. Tea, Yuuko?"
"Please."
He served her a lukewarm cup of imported tea, with one lump of sugar and no milk; just like she liked it. Yuuko thought it was time to cut to the chase.
"How was your day? Did you write a lot?"
"Until noon. After lunch I got distracted. For some reason, I felt like checking on the Internet fandom again."
"Really?" Yuuko raised an eyebrow. "I thought you said you had enough after you found the tomoyo-hiiragizawa-dot-net essays, the Kaho bashing, and read about some middle-aged woman and her sockpuppets."
"Train-wreck syndrome is a bitch, dear."
"So, what did you find? It has to be really ugly for you to have your tea and biscuits in the kitchen."
"Oh, actually it wasn't. I found some funny general fanarts -then again, I also found porn fanarts, which was scary, but I didn't click on the full view links. I read some fan reactions on the anime adaptation news at Cardcaptornet and The Penguin Park. And... I stumbled to a couple of fanfiction archives."
Yuuko winced.
"Which ones?"
"'Tomoeda Fiction' and 'Release!'"
"Oh damn. 'Release!' doesn't look like a bad place, but is filled with Syaoran/Sakura fluff and alternative universe crap--"
"I read a couple," Clow interrupted, disappointed. "I didn't recognize my own characters there."
"--however, 'Tomoeda Fiction' has a lot of crack pairings and welcomes the adult stuff."
"Yes, I noticed. It looked like your kind of thing, though."
"Uh," Yuuko scratched her head and avoided Clow's eyes. "I'm not going to deny I've been there twice and read some fics..."
Clow snorted.
"What? Are you mocking me?"
"You've been more than twice, Yuuko."
"...Okay fine, more than twice. Happy?"
He did look happy and amused. Too amused. Then he dropped the bomb.
"You should buy your own computer instead of using Kimihiro-kun's, you know. Last time you went there you forgot to log out. Right, 'Miss Kindo'?"
Yuuko choked on her tea.
"Miss Kindo, who's famous for founding 'Tomoeda Fiction'. Not only one of the moderators, but also the administrator and the webmistress. Oh, and writes Meiling/Tomoyo and Touya/Yukito in a regular basis, along with other slash pairings from other fandoms like Lupin III. You don't go there a couple of times: you own the place."
Yuuko didn't know whether to feel embarrassed or upset. She decided for the latter.
"How dare you? You didn't check on the fandom, you liar. You just went to our kid's computer, browsed through my bookmarks, and visited the websites I frequent!"
"Actually, it was the latest History entries." He smirked, dangerously. It didn't help to calm down Yuuko.
"Still, you spied on me!"
"I didn't mean to." The smirk disappeared from his face. "My desktop's modem wasn't working, so I went to his PC in order to check my email. I accidentally smashed the Ctrl key while typing and the History menu opened. I saw so many links for Cardcaptor Sakura stuff there I checked them out. Honestly, I didn't expect to find you there, writing porn with my characters all over the Internet."
And the embarrassment returned and stayed there.
"It's just for fun... Sorry I never told you, but I thought you'd find it disgusting and that's not the kind of thing you'd tell your guy. Most of my adult friends in fandom never tell their husbands about their fics."
"Nonetheless, their husbands are not the authors of the canon and probably don't know what's that about."
"And that makes it more uncomfortable for me, I can guarantee it." She rolled her eyes.
"Yuuko, really. I'm more amused than squicked. Then again, I didn't get past your summaries for sanity's sake. And you can't write something worse than the rubbish I saw at the other fic archive."
"Excuse me, but I only accept writers with good grammar and spelling, IC, and with original premises in my archive. Of course we're better!"
"IC?"
"In character. That means the characters act similar to canon."
"Well, I don't think my Eriol would do what 'Li Haruhi'-san said he was going to in a summary."
"But you never said he wouldn't in the books," said Yuuko, triumphant.
Clow shook his head. Fan logic hurts his brain. Especially when it's also Yuuko's logic. He decided to change the topic.
"You know what amused me the most?"
"What?"
"You never mentioned in your profile who your husband is."
Now it was Yuuko's time to shake her head.
"That's a double-edge sword, idiot. Half of the fandom wouldn't believe me. After the crazy sockpuppet bitch, most people became skeptical on strange statements."
"You could upload our wedding photos."
"They'd think my head is pasted on and I'd be mocked."
"...Pasted on?"
"With Photoshop or any image editor software."
"Oh. And what about the other half believing you?"
"Even worse! They could stalk and harass me, thinking I might know what the next book is about or alter it to their whims, just because I sleep with C.R."
"Like you could," Clow chuckled.
"Pfft, I know. Even an oyster shares more than you. I didn't even get to read the last one before it was printed! And I bought the best sake and the sexiest lingerie I could find, and lured you for months, and you still didn't buy it."
"Ah, so that's what it was about..." Clow smiled, pleased. "It's my book. I like to surprise everyone, and that includes you. Now, the sake and the lingerie are highly encouraged, but it's not going to work for that purpose."
"Idiot."
"At least this idiot gives you hours of entertainment, my fair Kindo. And you're the prettiest slasher I've encounter on the Internet without the need of pasting her head and breasts on with Photoshop."
"I think I'll take that as a compliment, mister author. Then you're not angry at me for writing porn behind your back?"
"Nah. It's somehow amusing, as long as I don't get to read it. Are you angry at me since I checked your Internet profile?"
"Not anymore... I wouldn't be angry at you for fandom stuff. Not even if you sink my ships."
"Oh, I wasn't planning to sink your ships at all." He looked at her eyes, naughty. "However, I was thinking about sinking something else tonight, considering our kid will be home late, and that could bring some free x-rated material for you."
"Ohohoho! Must I get some sake and the sexy lingerie for this?"
"Absolutely."
Series: HOLiC/CCS
Characters: Clow, Yuuko
Pairing: *points above* Oh, and mentions to some others.
Genre: AU, crack, parody
Rating: PG for sex talk
Notes: More of the Reeds saga AU. It mocks some sectors of the Harry Potter fandom.
Summary: Clow Reed checks on his fandom and he gets a surprise.
When Yuuko got home, she found her husband in the kitchen table, sipping some tea. She read the signs. It was obvious Clow wanted to talk to someone, since he only did that on those occasions. Normally he'd drink his afternoon tea in his study room, either in the armchair or near the computer desk.
"Hi."
"Hi! It took you some time to get back home. Traffic jam?"
Annoying.
"So, where's Kimihiro? Upstairs?"
"Out. Shizuka-kun had an archery match today."
"Ooh! Bullied into making him a bento again?"
"It's not bullying anymore. Tradition, I daresay."
"At this rhythm he'll become Doumeki's wife!" She laughed.
"Hey, be nice."
"Well, he's a better catch than the Himawari girl. She--"
"--creeps you out, you told me before. Tea, Yuuko?"
"Please."
He served her a lukewarm cup of imported tea, with one lump of sugar and no milk; just like she liked it. Yuuko thought it was time to cut to the chase.
"How was your day? Did you write a lot?"
"Until noon. After lunch I got distracted. For some reason, I felt like checking on the Internet fandom again."
"Really?" Yuuko raised an eyebrow. "I thought you said you had enough after you found the tomoyo-hiiragizawa-dot-net essays, the Kaho bashing, and read about some middle-aged woman and her sockpuppets."
"Train-wreck syndrome is a bitch, dear."
"So, what did you find? It has to be really ugly for you to have your tea and biscuits in the kitchen."
"Oh, actually it wasn't. I found some funny general fanarts -then again, I also found porn fanarts, which was scary, but I didn't click on the full view links. I read some fan reactions on the anime adaptation news at Cardcaptornet and The Penguin Park. And... I stumbled to a couple of fanfiction archives."
Yuuko winced.
"Which ones?"
"'Tomoeda Fiction' and 'Release!'"
"Oh damn. 'Release!' doesn't look like a bad place, but is filled with Syaoran/Sakura fluff and alternative universe crap--"
"I read a couple," Clow interrupted, disappointed. "I didn't recognize my own characters there."
"--however, 'Tomoeda Fiction' has a lot of crack pairings and welcomes the adult stuff."
"Yes, I noticed. It looked like your kind of thing, though."
"Uh," Yuuko scratched her head and avoided Clow's eyes. "I'm not going to deny I've been there twice and read some fics..."
Clow snorted.
"What? Are you mocking me?"
"You've been more than twice, Yuuko."
"...Okay fine, more than twice. Happy?"
He did look happy and amused. Too amused. Then he dropped the bomb.
"You should buy your own computer instead of using Kimihiro-kun's, you know. Last time you went there you forgot to log out. Right, 'Miss Kindo'?"
Yuuko choked on her tea.
"Miss Kindo, who's famous for founding 'Tomoeda Fiction'. Not only one of the moderators, but also the administrator and the webmistress. Oh, and writes Meiling/Tomoyo and Touya/Yukito in a regular basis, along with other slash pairings from other fandoms like Lupin III. You don't go there a couple of times: you own the place."
Yuuko didn't know whether to feel embarrassed or upset. She decided for the latter.
"How dare you? You didn't check on the fandom, you liar. You just went to our kid's computer, browsed through my bookmarks, and visited the websites I frequent!"
"Actually, it was the latest History entries." He smirked, dangerously. It didn't help to calm down Yuuko.
"Still, you spied on me!"
"I didn't mean to." The smirk disappeared from his face. "My desktop's modem wasn't working, so I went to his PC in order to check my email. I accidentally smashed the Ctrl key while typing and the History menu opened. I saw so many links for Cardcaptor Sakura stuff there I checked them out. Honestly, I didn't expect to find you there, writing porn with my characters all over the Internet."
And the embarrassment returned and stayed there.
"It's just for fun... Sorry I never told you, but I thought you'd find it disgusting and that's not the kind of thing you'd tell your guy. Most of my adult friends in fandom never tell their husbands about their fics."
"Nonetheless, their husbands are not the authors of the canon and probably don't know what's that about."
"And that makes it more uncomfortable for me, I can guarantee it." She rolled her eyes.
"Yuuko, really. I'm more amused than squicked. Then again, I didn't get past your summaries for sanity's sake. And you can't write something worse than the rubbish I saw at the other fic archive."
"Excuse me, but I only accept writers with good grammar and spelling, IC, and with original premises in my archive. Of course we're better!"
"IC?"
"In character. That means the characters act similar to canon."
"Well, I don't think my Eriol would do what 'Li Haruhi'-san said he was going to in a summary."
"But you never said he wouldn't in the books," said Yuuko, triumphant.
Clow shook his head. Fan logic hurts his brain. Especially when it's also Yuuko's logic. He decided to change the topic.
"You know what amused me the most?"
"What?"
"You never mentioned in your profile who your husband is."
Now it was Yuuko's time to shake her head.
"That's a double-edge sword, idiot. Half of the fandom wouldn't believe me. After the crazy sockpuppet bitch, most people became skeptical on strange statements."
"You could upload our wedding photos."
"They'd think my head is pasted on and I'd be mocked."
"...Pasted on?"
"With Photoshop or any image editor software."
"Oh. And what about the other half believing you?"
"Even worse! They could stalk and harass me, thinking I might know what the next book is about or alter it to their whims, just because I sleep with C.R."
"Like you could," Clow chuckled.
"Pfft, I know. Even an oyster shares more than you. I didn't even get to read the last one before it was printed! And I bought the best sake and the sexiest lingerie I could find, and lured you for months, and you still didn't buy it."
"Ah, so that's what it was about..." Clow smiled, pleased. "It's my book. I like to surprise everyone, and that includes you. Now, the sake and the lingerie are highly encouraged, but it's not going to work for that purpose."
"Idiot."
"At least this idiot gives you hours of entertainment, my fair Kindo. And you're the prettiest slasher I've encounter on the Internet without the need of pasting her head and breasts on with Photoshop."
"I think I'll take that as a compliment, mister author. Then you're not angry at me for writing porn behind your back?"
"Nah. It's somehow amusing, as long as I don't get to read it. Are you angry at me since I checked your Internet profile?"
"Not anymore... I wouldn't be angry at you for fandom stuff. Not even if you sink my ships."
"Oh, I wasn't planning to sink your ships at all." He looked at her eyes, naughty. "However, I was thinking about sinking something else tonight, considering our kid will be home late, and that could bring some free x-rated material for you."
"Ohohoho! Must I get some sake and the sexy lingerie for this?"
"Absolutely."