Writing blues

[taotrooper]

Second time I get in "probation" at 30_kisses. After all, RP was eating a lot of time and creativity cells, so I shouldn't be surprised.

However, sometimes I wonder if I should just screw it all and resign for this challenge. Not only I've been hogging the Clow/Yuuko couple, but I only reply with one shitty, unbeta'ed fic every two months, made in a rush. Lately, all my XXXHOLiC fics end up being crack, even the ones which were supposed to be romantic.

Timed challenges might not be good for me. They're stressful. My English isn't even so good to make the pairing justice. I'm too random. And the themes, while they might be great for comedy and randomness, they don't always work for kisses. This is due to a) my vision of the couple and b) the metacanon vision of the couple. The kiss part, even if it's just in the cheek, or it's something material associated with the word (thimbles, Hershey's chocolates...), feels almost always forced when you see the flow of the rest of the fic.

And while I shouldn't compare myself to the rest of the fandom at LJ or the other writers at the Pit, it feels bad I almost never get reviews or recs, in comparison to other C/W writers. Yes, I should be used to not getting feedback except for the same five persons at LJ. Yes, most of them are better than me, like Laurus. But I don't know. I need to know what's wrong with my one-shots, besides grammar. And also, the first chapter is, chronologically, the worst one of the lot. Perhaps readers think they're all that bad and they get scared.

The time restriction isn't helping. The RP isn't helping. The themes attached to the "there most be a kiss" rule aren't helping. The small amount of concrit isn't helping.

I should either
a) quit 30_kisses and try another challenge instead
b) delete the fic from my ff.net account and upload the themes in order when I'm done and they're all beta'ed.
c) do both

Comments

[laurus-nobilis.livejournal.com]

You see, I don't think there's anything wrong with your fics. Do you think they would have been recced in tomomichi if they weren't good?

The problem with the lack of feedback is that it's still a really small fandom, the proportion of people who like or even care about Clow/Yuuko is even smaller, and not all of them are here on LJ. Or they expect more romance and less gen. We're working in a really tiny section of fandom here... I also get four or five reviews (with luck!) when I post in LJ, but I get more in ff.n.

Do you still have it posted in the CLAMP section there? Maybe you should move it to HOLiC, you'd get more people to see it. I don't know if there's an "official" view on what's canon, and it's always difficult to figure it out with CLAMP, but I think we can count it as canon if it was mentioned in the HOLiC manga. Just like "Yuuko knows Subaru and Hokuto" or "Watanuki met the Legal Drug characters". At least I haven't got any trouble for it...

I think you're right about the kisses thing, though. It's difficult to make that fit with these two... Hell, I have one kiss in fourteen insert_phrase fics, and they weren't even being serious. :/ Maybe you should try another comm if you want to do themes. There's a long list here, and there are even more in the different comms' info pages. Not all of them are romance, and some aren't even timed, so you'd have more time to get the fics betaed or to do some self-editing. I think Clow/Yuuko is only claimed in insert_phrase (gaah, I need to work on that) and 1sentence.

[rainmage.livejournal.com]

They were only two recced fics, actually. And they weren't even my best ones, mind you.

No, it's in the XXXHOLiC section. I must admit I feel bad when I see your oneshot archive with 70 reviews, and mine doesn't even reach ten. There must obviously be something wrong with me, if we do the same couple, get to the same audience, and I still get no concrit.

Thanks for the list. I'll check it in detail later on.

[rainmage.livejournal.com]

I've decided! 30_smirks! For them, smirking is practically like breathing!

[laurus-nobilis.livejournal.com]

Hee, that looks great! :D

[ayasugi-san.livejournal.com]

...that comm wasn't made just for them?! Surely you jest!

Oh, and...

[laurus-nobilis.livejournal.com]

Don't forget there are always people who read it, like it, and don't leave a review anyway.

[etrangere.livejournal.com]

1/ I think you're a very good writer and you shouldn't think so little of you. I love how you write that couple especially.

2/ what laurus said about the size of the fandom. Lack of comments doesn't mean all that much about the qualities of fics.

3/ I'm notvery fond of timed challenge either. Some people find it helpful to "force themselves" to write something (maybe I could use that myself with how little I write XD) But I don't think it's "for" everyone. Don't stress yourself too much if that media for writing doesn't work for you.

*hugs to you*

[rainmage.livejournal.com]

Thanks anyway. I still think there must be an issue transcending my bad grammar, though.

I started just fine with the challenge, but now I go slower and slower.