taotrooper | I don't need another map of your head

1. Huh. My God of War copy has some loading issues. It took forever on the first loading screen; I reset it a couple of times. Then it finally goes ahead, I beat this "press X to not die" sea serpent miniboss, and... it's stuck on loading again. I gave up and haven't even been able to save anything. Should I return it, or is this shit normal?

2. You know what's frustrating? ~~Being a Gemini with Pisces rising.~~ That I'm so easily distracted, I can't even decide what to do when I want to do something fandom-oriented. I sit down and stare at the screen, not doing anything at all. And I ask myself, should I...

a) ...color scans/make icons?
b) ...write fanfiction?
c) ...roleplay?
d) ...build fansites/shrines?

See, normally you would focus on the activity you're better at. But what if you're like me, who's average-at-best-mediocre-at-worst in everything? What if I don't enjoy one particularly more than the others? I find that I must be in a certain mood to do creative things, which I blame on a combination of real life drama and S.A.D.? I have a ton of ideas I want to develop, images I want to use, tags I want to reply. And they all sound terrific in my head, while I'm waiting for the bus or lying on my bed. But when I sit down, I feel zero desire to do shit, and my nights are mostly spent by staring at the screen. It's not only a "why should I bother" thing, but also a complete loss of energy. I've been feeling like this for at least two years or something. I have no idea how to break this curse and I really wish I could. Maybe choosing on one or two things would help? Except I wouldn't know which ones to pick.

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... I wish I had an actual idea. Pick one at random and see what happens? It tends to work for me - at least it gets me doing something.

I've tried that. Like, for instance, today I decide to do icons and I open Photoshop. Then I find some excuse to leave that screen, and suddenly it's 1:00 am and I couldn't be bothered to do one thing.

I can be exactly like that too - I need to be in the right mood in order to do anything creative, otherwise I'll just end up sitting apathetically in front of my computer instead. I suppose focusing on only one thing at a time could help. You could also try banning yourself from doing those things for a while, that works for me sometimes. It's like my inspiration returns when I know that I'm not allowed to use it.

The banning thing is a double-edge sword for me. Because yes, I'll be plotting along while I'm procrastinating, say, in the library. But as soon as I sit down, I don't feel like doing it anymore. So I feel even worse because I HAD the idea but was unable to write it down.

I know this is a strange-assed question, but is this (http://community.livejournal.com/abyssdressing/259816.html) you, by any chance? The very fact that he said "Where are my rappigs?!" made me wonder...

Nope :o I'm too shy and busy right now even for dressing rooms. I do have an account for a Peony, but no balls for bringing him up.

Damn God of War... I´ll return it if I were you ^^

I don't know, but you shouldn't be so concerned about the final results of what you are doing...if you are doing icons, enjoy them, if you are writing fics, enjoy them too... the important thing is to enjoy what you're doing, without paying attention to the quality or level of skills of what you've done. Maybe you should try one activity each day and see what happens ^^

Yes, sure, it's to enjoy oneself, but at the same time the fact of sharing them and me possibly being the only one enjoying them might bring more stress that joy. Low self-esteem + obscure subjects + little feedback = crai moar bawww.

I'm lately too tired to do a creative thing a day, so that's not really my kind of thing. I get home at 10:00 pm and all I want to do is sit on my ass.

I don't need another map of your head

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